Delicate

Why is it when you’re feeling a little bit delicate, instead of looking for comfort in those around you, you look for it in an online community. From complete strangers who much like yourself, hide behind the computer screen.

So today was just one of those days, I’m tired, miserable, most things went wrong, I’m anxious, I’m worn down, I don’t have anything else left to give at the present moment.

It’s not like I can’t go to my significant other about any of this. I can, and I feel comfortable in doing so, this isn’t a reflection on my relationship, more a reflection of how I feel about him knowing how I feel.

I don’t want to worry him. I don’t want him to treat me differently. I don’t want him to think I can’t handle myself, my life, my work. I don’t want to admit defeat to the one who I know will lift me up more than anyone else. I don’t want him to know how I feel because it may mean he thinks less of me (in my mind), he may think I’m taking on too much, and then I have to admit that to myself. Then I have to modify, make a change and I don’t want to do that either.

Maybe I’m just indecisive…

Maybe I don’t want him to tell me these things because I know he’s right.

He is right…

We’re a good balance really;

He’s practical … I’m impractical

He’s rational – I’m irrational

He’s a lover – I’m a fighter

He’s a marshmallow – I’m more of an egg (soft centre)

He helps me put my meandering thoughts into boxes instead of allowing me to continue on my winding road to who only knows where I’ll end up…

Yet still, I take solace in an online community and not him.

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